The world is sick of “flashmobs.” I know it’s a bit presumptuous for me to be speaking on behalf of the whole world, but I do it all the time. It’s kind of the same thing as when I state something as “fact” but have absolutely nothing of factual substance to back up said statement. It’s just the way I do things.
When I saw my first flashmob it was the YouTube video everyone in the world saw on Oprah. I don’t know if they existed before that. I assume they did, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve noticed that nothing really exists in today’s world until it appears on Oprah, anyway. And that’s a fact. The phrase, “I saw it on Oprah” has the same if not more validity as “I saw it on Walter Cronkite” had back in the days when a show hosted by a Glenn Beck would be followed by Hee Haw.
Flashmobs have now begun to carry political messages. When a flashmob represents a political movement or a political statement, the entire act has officially jumped the shark. I know I speak for the entire world when I say that we are not going to become sympathetic towards a cause; change our political viewpoint; or participate in a boycott because fifty people bring a boombox and start dancing in a Best Buy. Particularly if they do it horribly and without imagination. If anything, it has the opposite effect. And because it has the opposite intended effect, I truly hope I never see a flashmob devoted to saving baby seals because I really will take a baseball bat to my local zoo.
Flashmobs need to go the way of streaking and bungee jumping. They are being gazed upon as pathetically as the comeback tour of Vanilla Ice.
Their time has come and gone, and it was fun for the two weeks when they were unique. Admittedly, the line between cute and painfully stupid is sometimes a thin one, but the line should never even be approached. Keep your political statements and causes out of the flashmob. As you’re sitting in your empty storefront headquarters, head in hands, weeping about your failed attempt at changing some part this world, you’ll find yourself repeating out loud over and over, “If only we hadn’t done that stupid dance…”
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Hear hear. The first one was cute, the second one was palatable, THEY ALL SUCK NOW.